Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
