im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize