check it out our google latitudes are spooning
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You took a bar mat shot.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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