ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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