We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
