it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
