By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
