You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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