Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
