Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
