Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
