Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
