Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
