Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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