Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize