Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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