I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
