OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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