The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
