The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
