Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
