We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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