If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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