As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize