she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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