i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
