Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
