my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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