i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
