I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
