You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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