so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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