does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
