glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
