Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize