You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
