I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
