Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
