so that wasnt chicken after all
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
