don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
