I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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