It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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