you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize