Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
