I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize