That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
