cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
