You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
