im about as happy as oj after his trial
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
