I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wear drunk well.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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