she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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