Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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