Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
