she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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