Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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