My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize