I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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