a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
