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• (650): View more from California

  There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.

  (650): View more from California

  I tried to assassinate the ginger baby

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?

  (914): View more from New York

  please be gone before i get back

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?

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• (214): View more from Texas

  So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.

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• (925): View more from California

  I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.

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• (631): View more from New York

  When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover

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• (737): View more from Texas

  Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties

  (1-737): View more from Texas

  No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice

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