i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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