Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
