There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
