I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
BRING THE BAGELS
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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