you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
