I am puke
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
