Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize