Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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