I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
