But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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