A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize