dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
