your parents love me but you hate me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
