i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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