Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
