I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
