I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
