someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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