Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
