I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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