she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
