I think my vagina is haunted
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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