the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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