I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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