Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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