so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
