Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
