I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize