brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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