I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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