They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
