Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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