I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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