going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
