Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
