i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
