I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize