Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
