I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
