She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
