I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
