dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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