Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
