Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
