____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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