OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
