Buhtt sex?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The adults are the big ones right?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
