Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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