we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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