New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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