i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
