I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
