if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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